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katieeex05
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1st-Feb-2009 05:12 pm(no subject)
i feel like a failure today.
i havent even gotten dressed :\
UGH.
i need some motivation...

all i've done is eat today.. ive had-
oatmeal
apple
soup
and like a MILLION cookies.
and i still have to eat dinner with my family.
UGH UGH UGH

why do i do this to myself. i just sit there and eat and as i'm doing it i know how bad it is but i just can't stop myself once i start. i need control.
4th-Jan-2009 06:58 pm - schoool tomorrrow
as sad as i am that winter break is over.. im kind of happy? 
no i dont feel like doing homework and stufff... but its alot easier being in school all day then sitting home being bored
when i sit at home and i'm bored.. i usually end up eating because it gives me something to do
but if im at school all day ill be to busy to eat and yea
itll just be easier =)

so far, this year SUCKS.
havent seen any results yet.
great.
2nd-Jan-2009 11:19 am - blah.
so far today is alright. i had track this morning so i got a good work out in :)

there was just one little thing that happened that kinda got me upset.
after track me and two of my friends were talking to my coach and we were talking about what sports we did in the spring. i said i played lacrosse and he goes, "oh i can see that, your really fast.. and a little size doesn't hurt"
like what? did you really just say that???? 
i guess he only said it because its true, why would he lie? 
it's okay, i needed to hear that. it will motivate me more to lose.

but other then that, today is ok..
i'm planning on having nothing until dinner, because my mom will probably force me to eat with them =\
2nd-Jan-2009 12:33 am - First post..
Hello everybody, I'm new to livejournal so i guess i'll introduce myself...

My names Katie and i decided to make a livejournal account to write down what I'm feeling. I dont think anybody i know understands me and the way I live my life, so i will write down my thoughts and feelings here. Maybe I will meet people here who are like me, who knows. But i just need somewhere to go to vent and i think this will be a good place to do that. :)

So basically, to make a long story short, i hate my body. There is nothing about it I can say I like, which is really sad, but its the truth. I just want to look like everyone else.. pretty. Nobody would understand why I am not happy.. most people would think my life is great. I have almost everythign i could ask for.. i have friends, family, i get good grades, i'm on varsity for both soccer and lacrosse.. But instead of enjoying all of these good things in my life, i'm too obsessed with weight. I am fat and ugly, and nobody wants to look at me. Food controls my life. Everyday is a struggle, I'm always thinking about food and how i can get away from it. I can't enjoy life the way I used to. Instead of going out and having a good time with my friends, I'm too concerned about how much fatter I am then everybody else. I truly want to be normal like everybody else.. and the only way that can happen is for me to be thin. If i were thin my life would be so much better, I wouldn't have to think about food 24/7.. and maybe people would want to be around me.
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